For those of you who weren't keeping up on Nintendo news lately, there was a brand new Nintendo Direct a few days ago, which had some coolish stuff in it, although I still think Starfox is boring so sue me, damn. Anyway, I nearly shat myself when I saw that there was indeed a new Paper Mario game coming to the Wii U! Paper Mario is one of my favorite franchises of all time and The Thousand Year Door was one of the first games I played ever. So how does the new game look?
Mostly shitty. Here's why.
First of all, I will give it credit that the overworld looked fine and the paint hammer is kinda cool in a way, but what pisses me the fuck off is the goddam battle mechanics. You would think that Nintendo would have learned their lesson after Sticker Star, but as of now it appears that they don't give a flying fuck about what people thought about that game. Here's the problem with Sticker Star: you should absolutely under no circumstances have to use any special ability or power to utilize a normal stomp or hammer, but sticker star demanded you have the basic stomp sticker if you wanted to stomp, which is ridiculous. As for the new game, the combat was shown briefly, so maybe it works differently, but my impression is that you are going to be painting fucking cards on the GamePad before every battle which would be probably the shittiest invention in the history of mankind.
So, here's hoping that the game has at least a somewhat normal battle system even though that's kind of a hopeless plea, I will plea nonetheless. And in case anyone from Nintendo decides to read this and give a fuck, pleasepleaseplease go back to battle points for special stomps and hammers and nothing for all the basic attacks. I know that there will never again be a masterpiece like The Thousand Year Door, but at least try. I mean, seriously. Try.
Until next time, kcduckling out.
